i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
