ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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