i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
