the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
