she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
