3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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