Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
