You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
