Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
