it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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