paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
