So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
