mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
