I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
