someone owes me an orgasm
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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