ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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