Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
