it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
