So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
