Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
