I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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