I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
