I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
