He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
