found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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