I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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