i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
