Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
