If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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