You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
