I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
