so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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