you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
