i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
where are my eyebrows?
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