You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
