We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
All I want is dick and wine.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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