Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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