you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
