I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Is it penis luge time yet?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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