You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
