Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
