Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
