I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
