What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize