You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
