I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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