Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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