I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
