when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
