Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
