All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
