HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
