I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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