It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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