last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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