Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
