i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
