i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize