the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
