i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
