he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
