thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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