Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
