nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
