Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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