Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
