Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
