Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
