He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize