Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
