I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
