I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Say something about gay babies.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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