I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
