She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
