he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
