Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
