you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
