hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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